dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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