how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
