The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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