i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
