You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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