remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
