He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
