I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
