if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
