I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
