4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
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I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
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didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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