I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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