Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
