sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Panties = found
I know her cup size but not her name....
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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