We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
