I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
