i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
