She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
