Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
