He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
