I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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