Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize