you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
