he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
