Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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