I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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