maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I believe in your delicious
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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