Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
