dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
