i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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