why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
