he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
