I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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