There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
