he puts the penis in happiness.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
