dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize