Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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