kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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