I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
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BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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