Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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