Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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