and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
