i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
