sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
All the doctor said was why
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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