check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
