It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
