So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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