mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
