Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I love having hate sex.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
