i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
