My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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