She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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