I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
