I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
