I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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