i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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