She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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