I think i peed on brittanys purse
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
