I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
