Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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