well I can't set my house on fire every night
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
