....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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