"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
