so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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