i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
