i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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