I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
